Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Bubbles and minefields do not play well together.

In fact, I think you could craft a variation on the Chicken, Fox, and Grain puzzle with these two things, plus a kitten.

You have a bubble, a kitten, and a minefield. You need to transport all three of them across the river…

Wait, that doesn’t work, because you can’t trust ANY of these things alone together. Maybe add a bag of kibble for the minefield to play with.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I want apology-lights for cars — wired directly into a driver’s brain. The lights would only flash when you wanted to make a sincere apology, like “Sorry I cut you off,” and “Oh crap, I know I just pulled a crazy driving stunt and I’m sorry for all you people who were nearby.”

That way, you’d know when someone was having a bad driving day, and when they were just an asshole.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

The first clue in my crossword puzzle today was REJECTED. I thought you guys should know.

9 letters. I wrote YOUPEOPLE.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Last night, while playing Arkham Horror, I had a thought.

Surely, somewhere in this wild world, there are Cthulhu furries.

A quick Google search has turned up nothing, but perhaps in some quiet little town…

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I just realized some of my older friends (college friends, etc) haven’t seen me in years–and have never seen Shannon. So here’s a picture of us, taken last year. Yes, we have matching hats, which we get teased about a lot.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Since I never bother to change my LJ icon, I would like to use my professional picture. It’s located here:

http://www.vylarkaftan.net/about-me/

It’s also located as a file on my computer. Every time I try to upload it (either cropping it square, or not) it comes out fuzzy.

Anyone know why? Can anyone help me do it right, either by telling me how or (if you have good tools) just helping me do it?

ETA: Thanks, Peer! How does this look? It’s much better than my attempts.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

In honor of Post a Rejection Letter Friday, I hereby offer you…

Rejections!

That’s right, folks. Just post a comment, and I will happily write you a rejection letter. It will be personalized. It will be random. And it will completely and utterly reject you.

And you can quote any of my rejection letters anywhere you want. Scout’s honor!

Who’s first?

ETA: Man, you guys are gluttons for punishment.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I have 15 heads of garlic. What should I do with them?

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

When I think about my goals and priorities for the coming weeks and months, I keep getting distracted by all the things I “should” have been doing for the past six months. I feel like I’m buried under an impossible mountain of to-do lists. One thing at a time, I know–but it just seems like I can never do all of this.

Also, I have trouble with unrealistic expectations.

One problem I’m having is that my physical environment is stressing me out. I’m a neat freak and this apartment has gotten out of control. The office is literally piled with junk. I cannot walk in there safely, nor reach shelves. I’m good at cleaning and organizing, but I dislike huge chores like this (I’m a “clean as you go” kind of person.) I don’t currently have the flexibility and stamina necessary to handle this.

At least the office door can stay closed.

What do you guys think? Try to do little cleaning tasks in the other rooms, and keep the office closed until I’m ready for it? Attack the office with Shannon’s help and confront some clutter that’s been there for years? I can’t decide which would help more–all the little cleaning/organizing tasks that are bugging me in the rooms I use most, or the awful nightmare of the office.

(As a side note, the reason I recognized what was happening here is that Shannon scrubbed, vacuumed, mopped, and dusted before I got home from the retreat… and it was fabulous. I felt much better about being in this environment. Have I mentioned that I love this man?)

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Last December, SFWA put out a call to all active members to nominate some works for the Nebula. There was a flurry of activity.

Since stories lose eligibility after a certain period of time, I thought it made sense to read some stories now at mid-year and see what I want to nominate. I’d like to encourage other active members to do the same.

So! Anyone who has a short story or novelette that you want me to read and consider for nomination, I’ll do it. Just post here. I will read 1-2 works per person. If it’s not available online, you can email it to me. Or tell me it’s available from the Nebula site, where I can go find it.

If anyone wants to read my work, I suggest either Break the Vessel or Kill Me, both from Helix.

ETA: Yesterday I did hear about the drama surrounding Helix’s editor, as detailed here and here. I knew none of this when I submitted my story and signed the contract. I am greatly distressed by the incident. But I take contracts very seriously, and have one signed with Helix. Therefore, I am continuing to promote my stories as I normally would, and I hope my readers understand that.

If anyone prefers not to visit Helix, drop me a line and I’ll send you a copy myself.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I’m just finishing 10 days in lovely Chattanooga at a writers’ retreat. The Codex Writers met for a short workshop, with Ellen Datlow as our guest. We critiqued stories, and then we had a whole week dedicated to writing, brainstorming, walking in the woods, and getting poison ivy.

Just kidding about the poison ivy. But it was a close call.

We stayed at the house of Mary Robinette Kowal’s family, and they were the best hosts one can hope for. They have a guest house made of logs, and that’s where I stayed. Her dad plays the musical saw and we heard him perform the Star Trek theme. That was pretty amazing.

During the 7 days of retreat (after the workshop), I wrote 3 novel chapters (long ones), wrote 2 flash fiction pieces, revised 2 novel chapters, and brainstormed one story I hope to write when I get back.

This has been a wonderful experience and I’m so glad I came here. I’m heading home in a few hours, and while I’ll be glad to see Shannon again, I’ll miss the experience of the writing retreat.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

It is impossible to escape a science fiction event without at least one or two new books stuck to you, like flies on flypaper.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

This makes me so upset. Several Clarion West students were victims of a burglary in the house. Everyone is okay, but these students need new laptops. If you would like to donate towards helping these students, there’s information at the link.

I can’t imagine how awful it would have been to lose my laptop at the workshop. I will be helping out.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

In this story, I just typoed a phrase as “Spam of Satan.”

I’m tempted to leave it as is.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Apparently the most common birthday in the U.S. is October 5th. That lines up nicely with New Year’s Eve conceptions (since gestation is actually closer to 40 weeks than to 9 months, if I recall right, and months have different numbers of days anyway.)

The least common birthday is May 22. I guess it’s too hot in August.

These may change in the future, due to modern conveniences like air conditioning and so forth.

Anyway, I did find a list of the most/least common birthday months, but it didn’t adjust for number of days in the month. So it was pretty useless. Of COURSE February is the least common birthday month. *mutter*

But they did show August as #1 and July as #2, which doesn’t sound right to me at all. Anyway, as I said, not terribly useful if you don’t adjust for the length of the month.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

Why does nobody on my friends list have a July birthday except me?

(Well, there’s one other person I know with a July birthday, but she didn’t put it on LJ. So it doesn’t show on my list.)

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

“Break the Vessel” is now published at Helix. This is the fecal matter story I keep threatening to read in public places, like supermarkets and child-care centers. There’s also some fine work in this issue from Jennifer Pelland, Ada Milenkovic Brown, C.A. Gardner, and Tina Connolly. If you enjoy the issue, please consider making a small donation to keep Helix alive. They publish the stories that other magazines are afraid of. That’s worth supporting.

Also, I didn’t post much about WisCon, but one of the coolest moments in my career so far happened during the Taboo reading. I read the first few scenes of this story. When I got to a certain sentence, I said, “And we’ll stop here,” –there was an audible gasp from the audience.

I can’t tell you how absolutely cool that was.

And as a bonus, we raffled off prizes at the end. My offering was a copy of Paper Cities and the reading copy of “Break the Vessel.” The winners could pick their prize. The first person whose name we drew came up and told me to re-raffle Paper Cities because he already had it, but he wanted the reading copy for my story. That was an awesome feeling.

Anyway, I hope you like “Break The Vessel.” I hereby promise that if I win an award for this story, I will include the word “turd” in my acceptance speech.

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I haven’t posted much because there isn’t much news lately, but here’s a short update.

–I now have diagnosis for Medical Condition #2, to match Medical Condition #1 discovered in March. I’m going for the complete boxed set! This condition is also lifelong and won’t kill me, but will require some management. (Are we sensing a theme here?) This one is less of a surprise, but just as problematic. More major lifestyle changes ahead for me. My feelings on the matter: deeply tired of this, but trying to be gentle with myself. It takes time to change my life.

–I’m going to a writers’ retreat with the Codex folks for ten days. It’s in Tennessee. I’m excited about some time to focus on my writing, and glad to be well enough to go.

–I’m really mad about losing all this time this spring (even though I understand it was necessary) and I’m ready to attack some stories and get some writing done, dammit!

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

What LJ groups should I look into? I’m only on the WisCon and SFWA groups.

You guys know what I like. Suggestions?

Originally published at Vylar Kaftan. You can comment here or there.

I like this meme because it covers the basics–all the things people feel embarrassed to ask because they figure they should already know.

1. First Name: Vylar

2. Age: 31

3. Location: Walnut Creek, CA (near San Francisco)

4. Occupation: Writer/Editor.

5. Partner: Shannon, my husband. It’s really fun to call customer service and have them try to figure out whether they’re talking to Vylar or Shannon, and what the gender of the other partner might be.

6. Kids: None, and no plans to have any. I usually like other people’s kids, though.

7. Brothers/Sisters: My brother is two years older and my sister is four years younger. I’ve complained enough about being a middle child that we don’t need to go into that again.

8. Pets: Oh, I wish. I want a cat so very much. But… achoo. Severely. And dogs too. I used to keep an aquarium, but that’s bad for my mold allergies. I know about the allergy-free cats, but I want a plain healthy farm kitten or something like that. My allergies are severe enough that even with the shots I’m currently getting, a cat may not be an option. Who knows… maybe in 10 years things will change again.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life: Oh dear.
a. Health problems. This probably counts as 3-5 things on its own. I have been struggling with stuff since November, hit the worst of it in March, and am slowly adjusting to new lifestyle habits. I am much better than I was, but there’s still a lot of work to be done–and frankly, although I have one diagnosis in hand, I know there’s at least one more to find, and maybe two. Here’s hoping for something easily treated. The good news is, I’m noticing how much better I’m feeling with these changes, and also that I’m functional again. I’m taking delight in things like going for a walk and eating peaches and things like that. Plus, I discovered a ton of great movies during my recovery time.
b. My writing is selling like crazy. This is pretty awesome. Since last November, I’ve been hovering around a 44% acceptance rate… which means I’m almost out of inventory. I need to write more stories.
c. My grandfather died in April. He was 88. This was a long-expected and peaceful event. All his grandkids (including me) paid him a visit in his final months, when he was still lucid enough to appreciate it. He died with his wife and children nearby, and didn’t suffer. His memorial service was simple and beautiful. When I die, hopefully many years from now, I want it to be like Grandpa’s passing.
d. I am very worried for a dear friend of mine who is sick and in the hospital. I write her letters nearly every day, because that’s how often I think of her. And since she’s probably reading this–get well soon. All your friends love you.
e. We can has Wii! Shannon’s going to try and find a game I’ll like for my birthday. I’m very finicky about games, but he’s clever and I bet he can find something. I like watching him play games on it too.

10. College: Grinnell College, a small liberal-arts school in the middle of Iowa.

11. Parents: They’re both retired now, but my dad was a math professor and my mom was a computer science professor. With two academics for parents, I had no shortage of educational opportunities as a child. But I did have a rude awakening when I discovered that most adults don’t get summers off, nor can they do most of their work at home.

12. Who are some of your closest friends?: Shannon is my best friend, of course. Other good friends are Laura W., Ali B., Janann D., Darja M., Rachel S., Alice S., Melanie D., Katy K., Tasha K., and Devin C. There’s also a huge list of folks I’m getting to know better over time. I like my friends. They’re great people.